The ethernet cord got caught in KidThree's wheelchair and the port in the laptop where the cord connects got pulled loose and no longer works. Drat to living without a computer at home that can access the internet.
Thank goodness for the library and its public computers, and for KidTwo leaving behind her library card when she departed for points south. (The library and I are not on speaking terms these days, as I owe them money.)
However, today the IHSS check got deposited, so I can pay bills. Maybe I will pay the library. That is, if there is anything left after paying the electric bill and cable bill. The phone has been cut off for a while; I'll let that go. We still have the cells, and KidThree has her own house phone.
That will be it for a while from here.
A
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Fortunately, It Didn't Last Too Long.
KidOne was able to give me some money yesterday afternoon, as she got paid. Two rolls of quarters and a twenty, so I can get a little gas (the car is on 'E') and milk and do some laundry. The laundry is especially important; it has been piling up and several essential items are running low. Thank goodness for understanding and generous kids. KidTwo was going to send money from her first paycheck earlier in the week but hasn't gotten it yet and isn't sure how or when she will get it.
Yesterday I finally got a big envelope sent off to Victims' Comp. Last March I spoke with a woman there who was very helpful, so I sent it to her attention. The receipts in it total almost $1,500; here's hoping I get reimbursement. When I spoke with this woman before, she approved a couple of items while I was on the phone with her and a check showed up in the mailbox just a week later. It would be lovely if this claim produced a check even almost that quickly. We are in sore need of getting dug out of this hole we are in.
I'm booked up to watch infant twin girls beginning in October. Their mother is a vet student who has a year or two to go; Dad has already finished his education and is working down in the Bay Area. They have a darling 2y/o girl, and now the twins who arrived three weeks ago. They found me through craigslist two months ago. I am looking forward to having the babies here, to spending my days caring for them while Mom learns to be a vet, but the apartment HAS to get the last few improvements in the living room and we need a crib. A playpen I've already got, but I want a proper crib for the girls. And a swing. Generally I am anti- parking children in things to keep them pacified, but I think with twins a swing will be justified. There are going to be those times when they are both awake and wanting attention, and I will have to have a way to keep one quiet while I take care of the other.
Today the plans are to contact the new mayor (I've been emailing him about street and sidewalk hazards in the area and he's invited KidThree and me to take him for a walk to show him what we are talking about) and to do laundry and to get back to the advice nurse at the hospital re: some issues with KidThree. That will be enough for one day. Tomorrow I babysit BabyJ in the morning. I did get one response to a new craigslist ad I put up, but then the woman hasn't called in response to my return email. Hmmm. I'm looking for people who need childcare occasionally or to fill in when their regular caregiver is not available.
Right now I'm working my way through "King Horn" in Middle English Metrical Romances. I'm self-taught in Middle English, so the going is slow, but I do get a lot of enjoyment out of it. The writing is so muscular (for lack of a better word) and gives me such an interesting glimpse of life way back when. I love reading Ovid for the same reason, only there I get to read him in modern translations and so have no trouble with the language. One day KidThree and I had got onto the subject of people through time and I read her the bit in Ovid where the narrator is frustrated with his lover because she is upset that she burned off her hair with her curling iron. The narrator didn't understand why his lover needed to mess with her hair in the first place, and then why she was so upset with the damage when she knew it would grow back. His reactions so mirror how modern men react to things like that with women; I used it to show KidThree that people are people, whenever and wherever they are.
I'm also reading "The Thousand and One Nights," but am only up to Night Fifty-Three. That gets me to wonder about Shahrazad (the spelling from this version). All that storytelling for all those nights, with three gestations and three deliveries and three infants to care for, and all of that unmentioned in the stories. She must have had very fortuitously timed labors and then lots of household help.
For carry-around reading I'm just grabbing paperbacks off the shelves; right now I've got "Have Spacesuit, Will Travel." Haven't read that one in years and years. I owe the library money and so can't go check out books, so I'm going through the shelves here at home. I've read all of Jasper Fforde and Terry Pratchett and am now just taking whatever my hand falls on. It's nice getting acquainted with old friends this way. I have next to my chair a book on Chinese mythology that is especially nice and sometimes leaf through that; I've added that to my pile to take to my visually impaired friend at the senior center a week from Saturday.
And now off for my second cup of coffee (to the accompaniment of Shahrazad's storytelling) and then to help KidThree for a bit and get the laundry going. The story of my life these days.
A
Yesterday I finally got a big envelope sent off to Victims' Comp. Last March I spoke with a woman there who was very helpful, so I sent it to her attention. The receipts in it total almost $1,500; here's hoping I get reimbursement. When I spoke with this woman before, she approved a couple of items while I was on the phone with her and a check showed up in the mailbox just a week later. It would be lovely if this claim produced a check even almost that quickly. We are in sore need of getting dug out of this hole we are in.
I'm booked up to watch infant twin girls beginning in October. Their mother is a vet student who has a year or two to go; Dad has already finished his education and is working down in the Bay Area. They have a darling 2y/o girl, and now the twins who arrived three weeks ago. They found me through craigslist two months ago. I am looking forward to having the babies here, to spending my days caring for them while Mom learns to be a vet, but the apartment HAS to get the last few improvements in the living room and we need a crib. A playpen I've already got, but I want a proper crib for the girls. And a swing. Generally I am anti- parking children in things to keep them pacified, but I think with twins a swing will be justified. There are going to be those times when they are both awake and wanting attention, and I will have to have a way to keep one quiet while I take care of the other.
Today the plans are to contact the new mayor (I've been emailing him about street and sidewalk hazards in the area and he's invited KidThree and me to take him for a walk to show him what we are talking about) and to do laundry and to get back to the advice nurse at the hospital re: some issues with KidThree. That will be enough for one day. Tomorrow I babysit BabyJ in the morning. I did get one response to a new craigslist ad I put up, but then the woman hasn't called in response to my return email. Hmmm. I'm looking for people who need childcare occasionally or to fill in when their regular caregiver is not available.
Right now I'm working my way through "King Horn" in Middle English Metrical Romances. I'm self-taught in Middle English, so the going is slow, but I do get a lot of enjoyment out of it. The writing is so muscular (for lack of a better word) and gives me such an interesting glimpse of life way back when. I love reading Ovid for the same reason, only there I get to read him in modern translations and so have no trouble with the language. One day KidThree and I had got onto the subject of people through time and I read her the bit in Ovid where the narrator is frustrated with his lover because she is upset that she burned off her hair with her curling iron. The narrator didn't understand why his lover needed to mess with her hair in the first place, and then why she was so upset with the damage when she knew it would grow back. His reactions so mirror how modern men react to things like that with women; I used it to show KidThree that people are people, whenever and wherever they are.
I'm also reading "The Thousand and One Nights," but am only up to Night Fifty-Three. That gets me to wonder about Shahrazad (the spelling from this version). All that storytelling for all those nights, with three gestations and three deliveries and three infants to care for, and all of that unmentioned in the stories. She must have had very fortuitously timed labors and then lots of household help.
For carry-around reading I'm just grabbing paperbacks off the shelves; right now I've got "Have Spacesuit, Will Travel." Haven't read that one in years and years. I owe the library money and so can't go check out books, so I'm going through the shelves here at home. I've read all of Jasper Fforde and Terry Pratchett and am now just taking whatever my hand falls on. It's nice getting acquainted with old friends this way. I have next to my chair a book on Chinese mythology that is especially nice and sometimes leaf through that; I've added that to my pile to take to my visually impaired friend at the senior center a week from Saturday.
And now off for my second cup of coffee (to the accompaniment of Shahrazad's storytelling) and then to help KidThree for a bit and get the laundry going. The story of my life these days.
A
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
It Finally Happened.
I am flat broke. Flat busted broke. Not a penny to my name. Yesterday I scraped up every last penny I could find--the ones at the bottom of my bag, the thirteen cents by the door, the change in the console between the front seats of the car--and used it to buy $5.09 of gas so I could take KidThree to her appt with the psychologist. What a peculiar feeling. I don't even have enough gas in the tank to go to the hometown to ask the parents for help. I feel almost paralyzed from lack of options.
Friday I babysit BabyJ. Those checks are not drawn on a local bank, so I can't cash them except at my credit union, where my account is overdrawn, so all but about fifteen dollars would be eaten up clearing the overdraft.
The next IHSS check won't come for about six days.
KidOne should be able to keep us in milk and eggs for a few days; today is her payday.
I'm going back to bed now. I need to gather strength to try to deal with this day.
A
Friday I babysit BabyJ. Those checks are not drawn on a local bank, so I can't cash them except at my credit union, where my account is overdrawn, so all but about fifteen dollars would be eaten up clearing the overdraft.
The next IHSS check won't come for about six days.
KidOne should be able to keep us in milk and eggs for a few days; today is her payday.
I'm going back to bed now. I need to gather strength to try to deal with this day.
A
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Let's Hear It for California!
Yesterday was an utterly wonderful day. The morning was quiet and peaceful. I spent most of it being as lazy as possible, just snoozing and watching tv and occasionally puttering around doing tiny little chores.
Then came the afternoon. KidThree and I got ourselves ready and out the door and headed over to the county seat to celebrate Gay Marriage!! We didn't know anyone involved but wanted to help ensure the pro-love people outnumbered the anti-love people. KidTwo was out of the country and KidOne was in class (first one of the summer session, so she couldn't miss it and hope to keep her seat), so we had to represent all of us.
It was wonderful. We got to the county admin building, where a friendly man directed us around the side to the wheelchair ramp and then met us at the door at the head of it to let us in. (As it was after-hours, all side and back doors were locked.) There were plenty of police, all set to protect gays instead of harass them--what a lovely turnaround in our society. The protesters were pitiful. Just five of them. The happy celebrating folks outnumbered them by a large margin.
Inside was equally nice. Sometimes the wheelchair can come in handy. A news photographer saw KidThree and me behind him and moved out of the way so KidThree could be right in front of the windows of the room used as a wedding chapel. We watched the entire first ceremony, finding a friend of a friend in the crowd to visit with. This man was friends with the brides, so he took us right to the reception in the foyer and got us cake--how nice!
Someone had had the foresight to prepare a lot of signs for people to carry when they left, to help counter the protesters' signs. After thoroughly enjoying the reception for a bit, we gathered up a set of those signs and went outside to enjoy the sights and welcome couples and hold up our signs. Again, we got a special escort so we could get out of the building via a door near a ramp.
Outside, we parked ourselves right by the path used by the happy couples to enter the building, just a few feet from the protesters. KidThree had fun engaging one of the protesters for a bit, an older man who looked maliciously satisfied at the thought of her spending eternity in a lake of fire. What a lovely advertisement for a religion that promotes 'love of all.' This same man spent quite a bit of time trying to convince the cops next to him to go in to arrest our county recorder, or to let him go make a citizen's arrest. No go. The cops were friendly but determined and didn't let him disrupt things.
One thing I did notice about the protesters that I think bears out the idea that a lot of anti-gay sentiment is from suppressed thoughts or proclivities on the part of the anti- folks. Four of the five protesters were men. They dutifully ranted away at the female couples, but then when a male couple came in, they got really animated. The two men horrified them much more than the several pairs of women who had preceded them. It was interesting to see. (The one female protester was a teen who had apparently been brought there by her father; she dutifully held up a sign but otherwise stood back by the safety of their truck and didn't say a word.)
Several groups entering the building thanked us for being there. KidThree is so cute and was so front and center in her wheelchair that she got lots of personal thank you's. We ended up giving some of our sign collection (we had gotten one of each) to some young girls who wanted to get signs but had missed the chance. There was a pair of young boys there on their funny bicycles holding up signs with us and making lots of responses back to one of the protesters. We had a good time joking around with them. Down the block by the other building entrance was a group of teens who had seen on the news that this all was happening and that protesters were there; this terrific group of kids got immediately to work, fixed up some big bright signs of their own, and came down to counter the protesters. What good kids--I was so proud of them.
It was a lovely day. The protesters were so few in number, the police were so good at keeping them relatively contained, and the engaged couples with their families and friends were so very joyful. It was wonderful to be able to go share in that, even just a little bit. Good for my state, good for my county, good for my county recorder, and most of all, good for the happy couples.
I am vehemently pro- everything that makes the world a happier place, that brings more joy, that celebrates love and family and honor and commitment. The more people pledge themselves to each other, the better.
KidThree was impressed by the number of news trucks outside and by the number of news people she recognized from having seen them on tv. She even saw one who had come to the scene when she was shot. I told her to enjoy seeing a bit of history being made and that when her kids were grown, they would be totally befuddled that this had ever been an issue.
O Happy Day!
A
Then came the afternoon. KidThree and I got ourselves ready and out the door and headed over to the county seat to celebrate Gay Marriage!! We didn't know anyone involved but wanted to help ensure the pro-love people outnumbered the anti-love people. KidTwo was out of the country and KidOne was in class (first one of the summer session, so she couldn't miss it and hope to keep her seat), so we had to represent all of us.
It was wonderful. We got to the county admin building, where a friendly man directed us around the side to the wheelchair ramp and then met us at the door at the head of it to let us in. (As it was after-hours, all side and back doors were locked.) There were plenty of police, all set to protect gays instead of harass them--what a lovely turnaround in our society. The protesters were pitiful. Just five of them. The happy celebrating folks outnumbered them by a large margin.
Inside was equally nice. Sometimes the wheelchair can come in handy. A news photographer saw KidThree and me behind him and moved out of the way so KidThree could be right in front of the windows of the room used as a wedding chapel. We watched the entire first ceremony, finding a friend of a friend in the crowd to visit with. This man was friends with the brides, so he took us right to the reception in the foyer and got us cake--how nice!
Someone had had the foresight to prepare a lot of signs for people to carry when they left, to help counter the protesters' signs. After thoroughly enjoying the reception for a bit, we gathered up a set of those signs and went outside to enjoy the sights and welcome couples and hold up our signs. Again, we got a special escort so we could get out of the building via a door near a ramp.
Outside, we parked ourselves right by the path used by the happy couples to enter the building, just a few feet from the protesters. KidThree had fun engaging one of the protesters for a bit, an older man who looked maliciously satisfied at the thought of her spending eternity in a lake of fire. What a lovely advertisement for a religion that promotes 'love of all.' This same man spent quite a bit of time trying to convince the cops next to him to go in to arrest our county recorder, or to let him go make a citizen's arrest. No go. The cops were friendly but determined and didn't let him disrupt things.
One thing I did notice about the protesters that I think bears out the idea that a lot of anti-gay sentiment is from suppressed thoughts or proclivities on the part of the anti- folks. Four of the five protesters were men. They dutifully ranted away at the female couples, but then when a male couple came in, they got really animated. The two men horrified them much more than the several pairs of women who had preceded them. It was interesting to see. (The one female protester was a teen who had apparently been brought there by her father; she dutifully held up a sign but otherwise stood back by the safety of their truck and didn't say a word.)
Several groups entering the building thanked us for being there. KidThree is so cute and was so front and center in her wheelchair that she got lots of personal thank you's. We ended up giving some of our sign collection (we had gotten one of each) to some young girls who wanted to get signs but had missed the chance. There was a pair of young boys there on their funny bicycles holding up signs with us and making lots of responses back to one of the protesters. We had a good time joking around with them. Down the block by the other building entrance was a group of teens who had seen on the news that this all was happening and that protesters were there; this terrific group of kids got immediately to work, fixed up some big bright signs of their own, and came down to counter the protesters. What good kids--I was so proud of them.
It was a lovely day. The protesters were so few in number, the police were so good at keeping them relatively contained, and the engaged couples with their families and friends were so very joyful. It was wonderful to be able to go share in that, even just a little bit. Good for my state, good for my county, good for my county recorder, and most of all, good for the happy couples.
I am vehemently pro- everything that makes the world a happier place, that brings more joy, that celebrates love and family and honor and commitment. The more people pledge themselves to each other, the better.
KidThree was impressed by the number of news trucks outside and by the number of news people she recognized from having seen them on tv. She even saw one who had come to the scene when she was shot. I told her to enjoy seeing a bit of history being made and that when her kids were grown, they would be totally befuddled that this had ever been an issue.
O Happy Day!
A
Monday, June 16, 2008
Good Monday Morning.
Yesterday KidOne and I got KidThree's bed moved and my oh my what a difference it makes in that room. The room is so big, relatively speaking, but back when it contained both this queen-sized bed and KidFour's full-sized bed and four bureaus, it was a bit cramped for space. We got the bed moved and two of the bureaus moved. I still have to get a set of shelves now to go next to the bed for KidThree's lamp, fan, and personal items, but that can wait a little bit. I have a small cabinet there now that is borrowed from the living room.
Another problem got addressed yesterday, too. KidThree has been wanting a volunteer activity where she could develop workaday habits, but where to volunteer? Doing meal prep for the local Meals on Wheels program was out; the counters in their kitchen were too high. There are no more candystripers because of confidentiality issues; hospital volunteers must be adults. Even our local food co-op doesn't allow volunteers who are under age 18. Two weeks ago, I saw an article in the local paper about a business group partnership with the local county office of education and their joint program to help young people enter the workforce. I sent an email to the person cited in the article but got no response. Even though there was no response, the article at least got me thinking about approaching business people directly. Rotary came immediately to mind. Back when I was sixteen and working at my first job, my boss was an active Rotarian, then over the past ten years I've worked with a retired Rotarian as a pollworker; because of these two wonderful men, I knew of Rotary and its goals of making a difference in the local and global communities. Yesterday I looked up the website of the local club, sent off an explanatory email, and got a response within a few hours. That contact person is going to present my dilemma to the club at their meeting today, to see if there are members who have accessible worksites and need some volunteer office help. KidThree used to come to work with me sometimes and especially loved working the shredder and stuffing envelopes for me. My hope is that someone will jump at the chance to help a motivated disabled kid and get some mundane office chores done at the same time. Who knows, maybe it could even develop into a paying job someday.
One of our seniors at the Saturday program is not cognitively impaired, as are most of the other participants; instead, he is incapacitated from a stroke and is visually impaired. The visual impairment is especially difficult for him, as he was an educator and reader but now cannot read. He doesn't care much for books on tape but loves to be read to. The director of our program brought in several books but they were not a sort that could be got into in just the few hours we had. That got me to thinking. Goodness knows I have enough books here at home that there should be some that would be appropriate--interesting, but with short, self-contained items that could be read through in a short time. I talked to the client about it and he was very happy to hear that I would bring him a collection of short stories by one of my favorite authors (Fredric Brown) for the next session. Yesterday I went poking around on my bookshelves for the book I had in mind and came across some of my collections of essays by E. B. White, another favorite, then had a wonderful hour going through their books to look for writings of a suitable length. I found many; the client is going to enjoy them. When I explained what I was doing to KidOne, she reminded me that many students need to earn credits by doing volunteer work and that reading to this man was something a student could to do. I'll suggest this to his wife, that she contact the local schools when they are back in session. Maybe the local scouting groups could help, too. The thought of that lovely, lively man being without the printed word is heartbreaking.
Jobs for today including sorting paperwork and cleaning the living room a bit--I let it go over the weekend and it shows. KidOne starts her college summer session this afternoon. I think that makes it a good time to start doing projects with KidThree. She wants to work on doing some educational projects this summer, both to get some things to turn in in the fall for credit and to develop better study habits, as this past year those habits were somewhat lacking. It will take a lot of work to get her going but eventually we will get on track with that. It'll just take a while to get back into the studying mode. She doesn't know I'm still working on finding her volunteer work as I didn't want her to be disappointed if the efforts didn't pan out; that surprise can come later once we have more information from that wonderful Rotarian.
Also on the calendar for today: go to the county administrative building at five o'clock to celebrate Love and Joy and Family. Gay Marriages start in California today at one minute past five. KidThree and I are going just to be there. We want to show support for those who love and to help provide a counterpoint to any protesters who might show up.
We haven't heard from KidFour since she left. Time to send her an email to see how things are going.
Now off to turn on the tv for company while I do some housework.
A
Another problem got addressed yesterday, too. KidThree has been wanting a volunteer activity where she could develop workaday habits, but where to volunteer? Doing meal prep for the local Meals on Wheels program was out; the counters in their kitchen were too high. There are no more candystripers because of confidentiality issues; hospital volunteers must be adults. Even our local food co-op doesn't allow volunteers who are under age 18. Two weeks ago, I saw an article in the local paper about a business group partnership with the local county office of education and their joint program to help young people enter the workforce. I sent an email to the person cited in the article but got no response. Even though there was no response, the article at least got me thinking about approaching business people directly. Rotary came immediately to mind. Back when I was sixteen and working at my first job, my boss was an active Rotarian, then over the past ten years I've worked with a retired Rotarian as a pollworker; because of these two wonderful men, I knew of Rotary and its goals of making a difference in the local and global communities. Yesterday I looked up the website of the local club, sent off an explanatory email, and got a response within a few hours. That contact person is going to present my dilemma to the club at their meeting today, to see if there are members who have accessible worksites and need some volunteer office help. KidThree used to come to work with me sometimes and especially loved working the shredder and stuffing envelopes for me. My hope is that someone will jump at the chance to help a motivated disabled kid and get some mundane office chores done at the same time. Who knows, maybe it could even develop into a paying job someday.
One of our seniors at the Saturday program is not cognitively impaired, as are most of the other participants; instead, he is incapacitated from a stroke and is visually impaired. The visual impairment is especially difficult for him, as he was an educator and reader but now cannot read. He doesn't care much for books on tape but loves to be read to. The director of our program brought in several books but they were not a sort that could be got into in just the few hours we had. That got me to thinking. Goodness knows I have enough books here at home that there should be some that would be appropriate--interesting, but with short, self-contained items that could be read through in a short time. I talked to the client about it and he was very happy to hear that I would bring him a collection of short stories by one of my favorite authors (Fredric Brown) for the next session. Yesterday I went poking around on my bookshelves for the book I had in mind and came across some of my collections of essays by E. B. White, another favorite, then had a wonderful hour going through their books to look for writings of a suitable length. I found many; the client is going to enjoy them. When I explained what I was doing to KidOne, she reminded me that many students need to earn credits by doing volunteer work and that reading to this man was something a student could to do. I'll suggest this to his wife, that she contact the local schools when they are back in session. Maybe the local scouting groups could help, too. The thought of that lovely, lively man being without the printed word is heartbreaking.
Jobs for today including sorting paperwork and cleaning the living room a bit--I let it go over the weekend and it shows. KidOne starts her college summer session this afternoon. I think that makes it a good time to start doing projects with KidThree. She wants to work on doing some educational projects this summer, both to get some things to turn in in the fall for credit and to develop better study habits, as this past year those habits were somewhat lacking. It will take a lot of work to get her going but eventually we will get on track with that. It'll just take a while to get back into the studying mode. She doesn't know I'm still working on finding her volunteer work as I didn't want her to be disappointed if the efforts didn't pan out; that surprise can come later once we have more information from that wonderful Rotarian.
Also on the calendar for today: go to the county administrative building at five o'clock to celebrate Love and Joy and Family. Gay Marriages start in California today at one minute past five. KidThree and I are going just to be there. We want to show support for those who love and to help provide a counterpoint to any protesters who might show up.
We haven't heard from KidFour since she left. Time to send her an email to see how things are going.
Now off to turn on the tv for company while I do some housework.
A
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Another Night to Myself.
KidThree stayed at her mother's for another night as yesterday a particularly beloved uncle had a fall and was hospitalized; the family was going to go en masse to see him. This uncle has made a point of keeping in touch with KidThree and doing his best to act as a father figure for her--he deserves her presence in his hospital room. Tuesday KidThree has an appt near his hospital. I've promised her another uncle visit before that appt.
My day with the seniors was wonderful. Before lunch, I took three of the men to the local Farmers' Market, where I succumbed to the lure of fresh corn tortillas, blueberries, cherries, and (for KidThree) pluots. Dinner last night was hot buttered tortillas. Yum! Breakfast may be the same. It was a day when we were very short of our usual volunteers because so many of them are college students and this weekend was graduation. One of our elderly ladies is deteriorating rapidly (she has Alzheimer's) and it appeared we might not have someone to sit with just her after lunch, but I was able to get hold of KidOne, who cheerfully came right over to stay right with that client for the afternoon. After the clients left, the staff stayed to clear things up. KidOne stayed for most of that, then had to go. She was a hit with the rest of the staff. I do so love to hear praise of my girls.
KidTwo sent a short, cheery email. It was good to hear her voice, as she has been silent for several days. The family situation down there is stressful, to say the least, so I worry about her when she is quiet for more than a day or two.
That is it for this morning. Since I have the place to myself, I think I will take a nap.
A
My day with the seniors was wonderful. Before lunch, I took three of the men to the local Farmers' Market, where I succumbed to the lure of fresh corn tortillas, blueberries, cherries, and (for KidThree) pluots. Dinner last night was hot buttered tortillas. Yum! Breakfast may be the same. It was a day when we were very short of our usual volunteers because so many of them are college students and this weekend was graduation. One of our elderly ladies is deteriorating rapidly (she has Alzheimer's) and it appeared we might not have someone to sit with just her after lunch, but I was able to get hold of KidOne, who cheerfully came right over to stay right with that client for the afternoon. After the clients left, the staff stayed to clear things up. KidOne stayed for most of that, then had to go. She was a hit with the rest of the staff. I do so love to hear praise of my girls.
KidTwo sent a short, cheery email. It was good to hear her voice, as she has been silent for several days. The family situation down there is stressful, to say the least, so I worry about her when she is quiet for more than a day or two.
That is it for this morning. Since I have the place to myself, I think I will take a nap.
A
Saturday, June 14, 2008
It's a Lovely Saturday Morning.
What a lovely treat this morning has been so far. KidOne gone to her boyfriend's last night, KidThree off at her grandmother's for the night, so I was on my own. This morning there are no kids here. All doors and windows are wide open to catch the cool air from outside and bring it inside, and I'm sitting here in my chair with coffee and the computer. Four loads of laundry this morning. Half of it is hanging up now in the doorways and the rest is spinning around in dryers as I type. In another hour and a half, it will be time to go to the Senior Center for my day with the old folks. That is such an enjoyable way to spend a day; I always have a lot of fun with them and the day goes quickly.
No new news from KidTwo. I hope she is managing okay down there. Dealing with her father can be tremendously frustrating and KidTwo has not gotten to the point where she knows the limits of what she can do to help. KidOne and I got to that point long ago, but KidTwo just hasn't, not quite yet.
Last night I finished Ben Fong-Torres' book. It was terrific. So many of the places he writes about are familiar to me, as my family is from the same area. Now I want to read a lot more autobiographies or memoirs but unfortunately can't, as the library wants me to pay a fine before we will be friends again and I don't have the money. Same song, different verse. Somehow that is always the case. Oh well, one at a time, little by little, things are getting caught up. With the gifts from KidFour's father and KidTwo herself, the rent check cleared without overdrawing the account and I was able to pay the entire cell phone bill.
Next week will be busy. KidThree has an appt with a new psychologist (new because of the change in insurance) on Tuesday and then we have the support group on Wednesday. Friday I babysit BabyJ. I may also watch him on Tuesday, if his mama can get the hair appt she wanted. That isn't much money coming in. Drat.
The woman who answered my craigslist ad didn't respond after I called and left a message in response to her email. That was two days ago. I wonder why? Maybe she found someone else. Sometimes it's hard to tell just what turns someone off--just a turn of phrase can be enough. For me, I tend to be wary of all ads that mention the poster's religion. It's not that I mind their religion, but by their mentioning it, I get concerned that they will be pushing it on others. Of course, they could be mentioning it as a screening mechanism, to try to get only like-minded people to respond. It can be tricky to read between the lines. I'll just keep posting ads and hope to get another client or two that way.
My client list right now may be down to only two families: BabyJ's and MissA's. I've probably lost the AmazingA's family, which I regret quite a bit, as those two little girls were such a pleasure to spend time with. The issue with the AmazingA's family may involve racism. One day, in accordance with prior arrangements, I picked up her sister, the MarvelousM, and brought her here to my home to crochet and play in the kitchen. When her mother came to pick her up, she appeared very uncomfortable; we think it was because she was taken aback by the sight of KidThree, who is not the same ethnicity as I am. (We do have good reason for attributing her response to racism; KidThree, KidFour, and I all noticed her extreme surprise when she came through the door and her resolute avoidance of looking in KidThree's direction after that initial glance.) Since that time, the mother has been so adamant that the girls not be allowed to come here that she has even taken days off work rather than have me watch the girls here. That is a woman seriously determined to keep her children out of my home (which was quite clean and presentable when she came over).
A similar thing happened with another client several months back. This couple had had me babysit for their child, BabyD, when they encountered a temporary gap in their usual childcare arrangements. They liked my care of BabyD enough that later they asked me to commit to watching him for several months. By that time, this apartment was ready to have children stay (it was before the arrival of KidOne--we were temporarily box-free in the living area). BabyD's parents and a grandmother came over to see the apartment, walked around and said nice things while BabyD explored, then later I had an exchange of emails with BabyD's mother in which she said they had decided they only wanted BabyD watched in their home and could I accommodate that. In this case, again it appeared that the appearance of KidThree was very distressful to them. All three adults literally averted their eyes and did not engage her in conversation at all. I declined to watch BabyD in their home: too much time away from KidThree and I didn't want to facilitate bigotry.
In both those instances, the parents were immigrants. My best guess is that they were crippled by the racism so common in their own ethnic communities, racism fueled by negative stereotypes in our media and kept in place by insular lifestyles. It is too bad; it would have been good for all of those kids to be around my lovely little family, which encompasses three different ethnic groups. When the MarvelousM was over, she didn't appear taken aback by KidThree at all, and later asked just a few questions that showed she was just arranging the mismatched mother/daughter situation in her mind to her satisfaction. She was just curious, and happy once she understood how it had come about. She certainly didn't mind in any way.
Enough ruminating. Time to go get the dry clothes, then time to shower and get off to the Senior Center for my lovely, lovely day with the old folks.
A
No new news from KidTwo. I hope she is managing okay down there. Dealing with her father can be tremendously frustrating and KidTwo has not gotten to the point where she knows the limits of what she can do to help. KidOne and I got to that point long ago, but KidTwo just hasn't, not quite yet.
Last night I finished Ben Fong-Torres' book. It was terrific. So many of the places he writes about are familiar to me, as my family is from the same area. Now I want to read a lot more autobiographies or memoirs but unfortunately can't, as the library wants me to pay a fine before we will be friends again and I don't have the money. Same song, different verse. Somehow that is always the case. Oh well, one at a time, little by little, things are getting caught up. With the gifts from KidFour's father and KidTwo herself, the rent check cleared without overdrawing the account and I was able to pay the entire cell phone bill.
Next week will be busy. KidThree has an appt with a new psychologist (new because of the change in insurance) on Tuesday and then we have the support group on Wednesday. Friday I babysit BabyJ. I may also watch him on Tuesday, if his mama can get the hair appt she wanted. That isn't much money coming in. Drat.
The woman who answered my craigslist ad didn't respond after I called and left a message in response to her email. That was two days ago. I wonder why? Maybe she found someone else. Sometimes it's hard to tell just what turns someone off--just a turn of phrase can be enough. For me, I tend to be wary of all ads that mention the poster's religion. It's not that I mind their religion, but by their mentioning it, I get concerned that they will be pushing it on others. Of course, they could be mentioning it as a screening mechanism, to try to get only like-minded people to respond. It can be tricky to read between the lines. I'll just keep posting ads and hope to get another client or two that way.
My client list right now may be down to only two families: BabyJ's and MissA's. I've probably lost the AmazingA's family, which I regret quite a bit, as those two little girls were such a pleasure to spend time with. The issue with the AmazingA's family may involve racism. One day, in accordance with prior arrangements, I picked up her sister, the MarvelousM, and brought her here to my home to crochet and play in the kitchen. When her mother came to pick her up, she appeared very uncomfortable; we think it was because she was taken aback by the sight of KidThree, who is not the same ethnicity as I am. (We do have good reason for attributing her response to racism; KidThree, KidFour, and I all noticed her extreme surprise when she came through the door and her resolute avoidance of looking in KidThree's direction after that initial glance.) Since that time, the mother has been so adamant that the girls not be allowed to come here that she has even taken days off work rather than have me watch the girls here. That is a woman seriously determined to keep her children out of my home (which was quite clean and presentable when she came over).
A similar thing happened with another client several months back. This couple had had me babysit for their child, BabyD, when they encountered a temporary gap in their usual childcare arrangements. They liked my care of BabyD enough that later they asked me to commit to watching him for several months. By that time, this apartment was ready to have children stay (it was before the arrival of KidOne--we were temporarily box-free in the living area). BabyD's parents and a grandmother came over to see the apartment, walked around and said nice things while BabyD explored, then later I had an exchange of emails with BabyD's mother in which she said they had decided they only wanted BabyD watched in their home and could I accommodate that. In this case, again it appeared that the appearance of KidThree was very distressful to them. All three adults literally averted their eyes and did not engage her in conversation at all. I declined to watch BabyD in their home: too much time away from KidThree and I didn't want to facilitate bigotry.
In both those instances, the parents were immigrants. My best guess is that they were crippled by the racism so common in their own ethnic communities, racism fueled by negative stereotypes in our media and kept in place by insular lifestyles. It is too bad; it would have been good for all of those kids to be around my lovely little family, which encompasses three different ethnic groups. When the MarvelousM was over, she didn't appear taken aback by KidThree at all, and later asked just a few questions that showed she was just arranging the mismatched mother/daughter situation in her mind to her satisfaction. She was just curious, and happy once she understood how it had come about. She certainly didn't mind in any way.
Enough ruminating. Time to go get the dry clothes, then time to shower and get off to the Senior Center for my lovely, lovely day with the old folks.
A
Friday, June 13, 2008
A Wonderful Friday Coming Up.
Yesterday I actually got things done. The kitchen looks wonderful and I've started on cleaning KidThree's room. KidOne didn't get home before I left, so the bed is still not in its new spot, but the new spot is cleared and swept and ready for the bed.
Last night I babysit a sister and brother whom I watch on those days when both parents are working late. This usually entails me picking them up at daycare, then taking them to their home for dinner and books and bath before their parents come home, but last night was much later--I was there past eleven. MissA is four; she loves to be read to just as much as I love to read and she is as cuddly as I am, so of course we get on like a house on fire. She loves to take all the books out of my ubiquitous bookbag to see what new ones are there and what familiar ones have shown up again. One book I bring every time, as it is her favorite. We always start out reading that one, frequently reading it again between other stories. I get the feeling MissA doesn't get as much of this sort of activity with her parents as she would like, probably because her brother can be so demanding, particularly of attention from their mother. Her brother, LittleJ, is two. He is an interesting child. A lot of the time I think he is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, other times just that he is his own little individual self, developing in his own way. I've dealt closely with autistic children in the past and, in many ways, he reminds me of them. He has several fixations, doesn't make much eye contact, plays solely by himself at very repetitive 'games,' is totally non-verbal (at least with me), and rarely interacts with other children in the room. But, he can interact sometimes, sometimes does make eye contact, and has progressed over the past few months from screaming at the sight of me to smiling and holding up his arms to be picked up and carried out to the car. I just don't know about him, so I keep my eyes open and watch him closely. What I wonder is, how do you tell parents you think their beloved son might have a disability, especially one like autism? For now, I just watch and wait; if a conversation ever comes up with the parents that gives an opening, I might mention it obliquely. Children are so very individual, two years old is such a flexible age, from still being totally self-involved to learning that others are participating in their activities, and boys do develop more slowly than girls in so many ways. Another puzzlement. At any rate, I do enjoy these children and am always happy when their mother calls to see if I can watch them.
KidTwo is having difficulties down south. Her father's wife is not a happy woman and is now saying she is going to leave him and that she has asked him to sign separation papers. KidTwo has tried to talk to her father about this but he says that this has happened many times before and doesn't mean anything and all will be well. KidTwo is sure this time it is for real, as paperwork has apparently never entered the picture before, so her father's denial of real trouble is making her crazy. She doesn't want him to get hurt and doesn't want him to lose her baby brother, especially as the wife is not an American and has another country to hide in if she so chooses. All I can do from here is give KidTwo all the love and support that I can, both by email and by phone when she calls. KidTwo was born with no protection at all from the pain of others; their pain is her pain, sometimes even more so. She is so very tenderhearted and sympathetic. It is frequently hard to be her mother because of the difficulty in trying to help her negotiate the line between helping as much as possible and surrendering oneself to the needs of others. That line is so hard for her to see and the pain she feels is so real. This is one of those times when I hate that she is so far away; I want to take her on my lap and hold her and rock her and rub her back like I did when she was small, telling her it will all be okay somehow because mama will find a way to fix it. Sigh. My poor, tenderhearted pussycat of a daughter. I do love her so.
This is a three-cups-of-coffee morning. Usually I stop at two, but last night I didn't get to bed until well after midnight, then up again in four hours. I got home before midnight but then stayed up to finish Barack Obama's "Dreams from My Father." What a marvelous book. I've already read his "The Audacity of Hope." He is so very able to articulate what for most people are the totally inchoate emotions of who one is, and what one's place is, and how one can and cannot make a difference in the world. I am so joyously anticipating an Obama presidency.
I've just started Ben Fong-Torres' "The Rice Room: Growing Up Chinese-American--From Number Two Son to Rock 'n Roll." He is another marvelous writer with the ability to make clear all the machinations that go on in his mind and self. What marvelous talent these two men have.
The coffee water is boiling. Time for me to make that last cup, then take my shower before heading off to watch BabyJ for the morning. Then home for a nap. Tomorrow is my day at the Senior Center. KidThree is hoping to be able to go with me. I hope she can. What use is it having such gorgeous, wonderful daughters if I can't show them off occasionally?
A
Last night I babysit a sister and brother whom I watch on those days when both parents are working late. This usually entails me picking them up at daycare, then taking them to their home for dinner and books and bath before their parents come home, but last night was much later--I was there past eleven. MissA is four; she loves to be read to just as much as I love to read and she is as cuddly as I am, so of course we get on like a house on fire. She loves to take all the books out of my ubiquitous bookbag to see what new ones are there and what familiar ones have shown up again. One book I bring every time, as it is her favorite. We always start out reading that one, frequently reading it again between other stories. I get the feeling MissA doesn't get as much of this sort of activity with her parents as she would like, probably because her brother can be so demanding, particularly of attention from their mother. Her brother, LittleJ, is two. He is an interesting child. A lot of the time I think he is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, other times just that he is his own little individual self, developing in his own way. I've dealt closely with autistic children in the past and, in many ways, he reminds me of them. He has several fixations, doesn't make much eye contact, plays solely by himself at very repetitive 'games,' is totally non-verbal (at least with me), and rarely interacts with other children in the room. But, he can interact sometimes, sometimes does make eye contact, and has progressed over the past few months from screaming at the sight of me to smiling and holding up his arms to be picked up and carried out to the car. I just don't know about him, so I keep my eyes open and watch him closely. What I wonder is, how do you tell parents you think their beloved son might have a disability, especially one like autism? For now, I just watch and wait; if a conversation ever comes up with the parents that gives an opening, I might mention it obliquely. Children are so very individual, two years old is such a flexible age, from still being totally self-involved to learning that others are participating in their activities, and boys do develop more slowly than girls in so many ways. Another puzzlement. At any rate, I do enjoy these children and am always happy when their mother calls to see if I can watch them.
KidTwo is having difficulties down south. Her father's wife is not a happy woman and is now saying she is going to leave him and that she has asked him to sign separation papers. KidTwo has tried to talk to her father about this but he says that this has happened many times before and doesn't mean anything and all will be well. KidTwo is sure this time it is for real, as paperwork has apparently never entered the picture before, so her father's denial of real trouble is making her crazy. She doesn't want him to get hurt and doesn't want him to lose her baby brother, especially as the wife is not an American and has another country to hide in if she so chooses. All I can do from here is give KidTwo all the love and support that I can, both by email and by phone when she calls. KidTwo was born with no protection at all from the pain of others; their pain is her pain, sometimes even more so. She is so very tenderhearted and sympathetic. It is frequently hard to be her mother because of the difficulty in trying to help her negotiate the line between helping as much as possible and surrendering oneself to the needs of others. That line is so hard for her to see and the pain she feels is so real. This is one of those times when I hate that she is so far away; I want to take her on my lap and hold her and rock her and rub her back like I did when she was small, telling her it will all be okay somehow because mama will find a way to fix it. Sigh. My poor, tenderhearted pussycat of a daughter. I do love her so.
This is a three-cups-of-coffee morning. Usually I stop at two, but last night I didn't get to bed until well after midnight, then up again in four hours. I got home before midnight but then stayed up to finish Barack Obama's "Dreams from My Father." What a marvelous book. I've already read his "The Audacity of Hope." He is so very able to articulate what for most people are the totally inchoate emotions of who one is, and what one's place is, and how one can and cannot make a difference in the world. I am so joyously anticipating an Obama presidency.
I've just started Ben Fong-Torres' "The Rice Room: Growing Up Chinese-American--From Number Two Son to Rock 'n Roll." He is another marvelous writer with the ability to make clear all the machinations that go on in his mind and self. What marvelous talent these two men have.
The coffee water is boiling. Time for me to make that last cup, then take my shower before heading off to watch BabyJ for the morning. Then home for a nap. Tomorrow is my day at the Senior Center. KidThree is hoping to be able to go with me. I hope she can. What use is it having such gorgeous, wonderful daughters if I can't show them off occasionally?
A
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Working on Staying Positive.
Seven in the morning and the AmazingA's mother just called to say she no longer needs me to watch the AmazingA on Thursdays. Given that I was going to head over there in forty-five minutes, that is not much notice. What is positive about that? I now have the morning free. I will spend the time readying my next claim for Victim's Comp; maybe I can even get it off in the mail. That might mean a fair amount of money a couple of weeks down the road.
Yesterday I took KidFour back to her father's home for good. KidThree came with us and the two of us had a good visit with my parents. KidFour's father gave me a check, which is just enough to put in the credit union so that the rent check I already turned in won't overdraw the account. That will save me $22 in overdraft fees and keep things nice with the credit union. I am so sorry it did not work out with KidFour here. Just not enough money or space to keep things going until she decided to pick herself up. Her father and stepmother have literally told her not to unpack until they have things firmly negotiated with her; I don't think that will go over well at all, as those two won't let bygones be bygones and start afresh, which is what they need to do. What a sad mess. The poor girl. I will try to keep in touch with her by email, but am not sure if she will respond.
My mother gave me $30 in quarters--this will keep us covered for two weeks or so with laundry. Mom also gave me gas money, of which I have $40 left, and KidTwo sent $50. Tonight I am babysitting and should earn about $50, then tomorrow morning I babysit elsewhere and should earn another $50. I think I will take that combined cash and buy the new bed for the living room. The girls have told me that they think a single bed will a better fit for the room than the full-size. The new bed I've chosen is $150; for now it can use the futon I've already got in my bedroom. KidTwo plans to send more money Monday or Tuesday of next week. I will work on putting all money besides absolute necessities into fixing this room to make it attractive to parents. That should take about $500 total.
I've put a new ad on craigslist that says I will do babysitting in clients' homes. Maybe I can earn some money that way while working on things here. Since KidFour is gone, leaving KidThree here is much easier--the reduction in tension makes it possible to leave her on her own.
What else I can do to stay positive is to get to work here. There are so many things I can get done on my own, while KidOne is working and KidThree is sleeping. I will get the living room cleaned up (it is messy from KidFour's packing), then clear up some things on the kitchen table. That will be productive and keep me busy until it is time to go to the credit union at nine to put in my check from KidFour's father. I will also draw a picture of my front wall with window, so my professional seamstress sister can make me a curtain for that window. The fabric is all picked out; she just needs dimensions and to know where the window sits in the wall in relation to walls and such.
Now off to have my second cup of coffee, then to get going.
A
Yesterday I took KidFour back to her father's home for good. KidThree came with us and the two of us had a good visit with my parents. KidFour's father gave me a check, which is just enough to put in the credit union so that the rent check I already turned in won't overdraw the account. That will save me $22 in overdraft fees and keep things nice with the credit union. I am so sorry it did not work out with KidFour here. Just not enough money or space to keep things going until she decided to pick herself up. Her father and stepmother have literally told her not to unpack until they have things firmly negotiated with her; I don't think that will go over well at all, as those two won't let bygones be bygones and start afresh, which is what they need to do. What a sad mess. The poor girl. I will try to keep in touch with her by email, but am not sure if she will respond.
My mother gave me $30 in quarters--this will keep us covered for two weeks or so with laundry. Mom also gave me gas money, of which I have $40 left, and KidTwo sent $50. Tonight I am babysitting and should earn about $50, then tomorrow morning I babysit elsewhere and should earn another $50. I think I will take that combined cash and buy the new bed for the living room. The girls have told me that they think a single bed will a better fit for the room than the full-size. The new bed I've chosen is $150; for now it can use the futon I've already got in my bedroom. KidTwo plans to send more money Monday or Tuesday of next week. I will work on putting all money besides absolute necessities into fixing this room to make it attractive to parents. That should take about $500 total.
I've put a new ad on craigslist that says I will do babysitting in clients' homes. Maybe I can earn some money that way while working on things here. Since KidFour is gone, leaving KidThree here is much easier--the reduction in tension makes it possible to leave her on her own.
What else I can do to stay positive is to get to work here. There are so many things I can get done on my own, while KidOne is working and KidThree is sleeping. I will get the living room cleaned up (it is messy from KidFour's packing), then clear up some things on the kitchen table. That will be productive and keep me busy until it is time to go to the credit union at nine to put in my check from KidFour's father. I will also draw a picture of my front wall with window, so my professional seamstress sister can make me a curtain for that window. The fabric is all picked out; she just needs dimensions and to know where the window sits in the wall in relation to walls and such.
Now off to have my second cup of coffee, then to get going.
A
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Busy Day Today.
KidThree spent the night at her mother's to get her hair done. KidFour spent the night here but was firmly uncommunicative. What fun.
Sleep, my most wondrous and blessedly peaceful refuge, finally failed me. Yesterday I took a nap where I had a dream that someone paid me $3,060 that they had owed me, and a $50 check had shown up in the mail, so I had money to spend and I spent it. I was so relieved. I brought all bills up to date, bought a couch, got the IKEA things on my wish list, and even had enough left to frame some of my prints. In actuality, it would take closer to $5,000 to do all those things--I guess dream money goes further. It was lovely. Then I woke up and drat it all was as broke as ever. Last night, I woke up at 3:22am and couldn't get back to sleep. Too much racing through my mind, and it just wouldn't quiet down. I should have given up and gotten up then to do laundry, but I was pigheaded and kept horizontal in the vain hope that sleep might revisit. It didn't. Now I am so tired, and on a day where there is a lot to do. Maybe I can squeeze in a nap between meeting the ADA and going out to babysit. That would be nice, and would give KidThree and KidFour a chance to talk privately. One can only hope.
Today KidThree and I meet with the Assistant District Attorney handling her case, which is currently scheduled to go to trial mid-July (although it's been continued several times already, so who knows). This meeting today is in response to a phone call made to me by a clerk in his office, wherein I told the clerk that if the ADA didn't introduce himself to KidThree and let her know what to expect in court, she was going to arrive in court and tell him off right in front of the judge. The only things we know about court proceedings are from what we see on tv, and while of course we know tv isn't realistic, every single show depicts prosecutors meeting with victims before trial to help reduce tensions and help them know what to expect. We deserve at least that courtesy.
I babysit this afternoon for a family where I pick their children up from school when both parents have to work late. This is one of those nights. After I get back home here, KidFour loads all her stuff up in the car and off we go to meet her father at the halfway point. That will be it for her stay here.
KidThree is very worried about KidFour's mental health and has asked questions repeatedly that lead me to believe she has strong concerns about KidFour committing suicide. I just don't know what to do there. I have no more resources to offer. The phone is cut off, the paper is cut off, the auto insurance is cut off, and my rent check is going to overdraw my account. KidFour's father believes he has to send only enough money to keep her in Top Ramen, and her mother is in almost the same financial straits that I am--there would be no real monetary help there. I've explained to KidThree that it isn't a case of not loving KidFour, but rather a case of simply not having anything at all left to offer. KidFour is a dead weight whom I can't keep afloat without sufficient help, and that help isn't forthcoming. What I have done is told both of KidFour's parents about these concerns and given some suggestions as to things they might try. Again, one can only hope.
What a ghastly mess that whole situation is. My only real hope is that KidFour's admittedly unhealthy and obsessive love for her boyfriend will keep her going while she gets through this difficult period in her life.
Another hot day today. It's still relatively early and there is a breeze, so all windows are open to catch as much fresh air as possible before I have to close things down.
KidTwo started her job at the embassy yesterday. She called to report on it and it sounded positive. I want to hear more after another day or two. The thought of my free-spirited, opinionated darling girl being a diplomatic paper-pushing flunky is just too funny for words. Fortunately for her, she also appreciates that irony and will try to keep her expressed opinions to a minimum.
Alrighty now--two cups of coffee down the hatch, so time for a shower and then to tackle the pile of laundry blocking my bedroom door. Got to get a few loads of that done by the time I have to go get KidThree for our meeting with the ADA.
A
Sleep, my most wondrous and blessedly peaceful refuge, finally failed me. Yesterday I took a nap where I had a dream that someone paid me $3,060 that they had owed me, and a $50 check had shown up in the mail, so I had money to spend and I spent it. I was so relieved. I brought all bills up to date, bought a couch, got the IKEA things on my wish list, and even had enough left to frame some of my prints. In actuality, it would take closer to $5,000 to do all those things--I guess dream money goes further. It was lovely. Then I woke up and drat it all was as broke as ever. Last night, I woke up at 3:22am and couldn't get back to sleep. Too much racing through my mind, and it just wouldn't quiet down. I should have given up and gotten up then to do laundry, but I was pigheaded and kept horizontal in the vain hope that sleep might revisit. It didn't. Now I am so tired, and on a day where there is a lot to do. Maybe I can squeeze in a nap between meeting the ADA and going out to babysit. That would be nice, and would give KidThree and KidFour a chance to talk privately. One can only hope.
Today KidThree and I meet with the Assistant District Attorney handling her case, which is currently scheduled to go to trial mid-July (although it's been continued several times already, so who knows). This meeting today is in response to a phone call made to me by a clerk in his office, wherein I told the clerk that if the ADA didn't introduce himself to KidThree and let her know what to expect in court, she was going to arrive in court and tell him off right in front of the judge. The only things we know about court proceedings are from what we see on tv, and while of course we know tv isn't realistic, every single show depicts prosecutors meeting with victims before trial to help reduce tensions and help them know what to expect. We deserve at least that courtesy.
I babysit this afternoon for a family where I pick their children up from school when both parents have to work late. This is one of those nights. After I get back home here, KidFour loads all her stuff up in the car and off we go to meet her father at the halfway point. That will be it for her stay here.
KidThree is very worried about KidFour's mental health and has asked questions repeatedly that lead me to believe she has strong concerns about KidFour committing suicide. I just don't know what to do there. I have no more resources to offer. The phone is cut off, the paper is cut off, the auto insurance is cut off, and my rent check is going to overdraw my account. KidFour's father believes he has to send only enough money to keep her in Top Ramen, and her mother is in almost the same financial straits that I am--there would be no real monetary help there. I've explained to KidThree that it isn't a case of not loving KidFour, but rather a case of simply not having anything at all left to offer. KidFour is a dead weight whom I can't keep afloat without sufficient help, and that help isn't forthcoming. What I have done is told both of KidFour's parents about these concerns and given some suggestions as to things they might try. Again, one can only hope.
What a ghastly mess that whole situation is. My only real hope is that KidFour's admittedly unhealthy and obsessive love for her boyfriend will keep her going while she gets through this difficult period in her life.
Another hot day today. It's still relatively early and there is a breeze, so all windows are open to catch as much fresh air as possible before I have to close things down.
KidTwo started her job at the embassy yesterday. She called to report on it and it sounded positive. I want to hear more after another day or two. The thought of my free-spirited, opinionated darling girl being a diplomatic paper-pushing flunky is just too funny for words. Fortunately for her, she also appreciates that irony and will try to keep her expressed opinions to a minimum.
Alrighty now--two cups of coffee down the hatch, so time for a shower and then to tackle the pile of laundry blocking my bedroom door. Got to get a few loads of that done by the time I have to go get KidThree for our meeting with the ADA.
A
Monday, June 9, 2008
Another Week.
Yesterday I made it to the Unitarian church service. It was interesting. The minister did have the sort of almost-stoned, beatific manner of looking and speaking that I associate with many religious people: it is as if they truly are anesthetized to some degree. At some points, though, she did loosen up a bit and lose the soothing monotone. As for the congregation, it was VERY white and overall quite elderly. Next week, because the facility lacks air conditioning, the three services will be reduced to one, the earliest; I will try to get there again and to take a look at the congregation as a whole. Accessibility was excellent but there wasn't enough handicapped parking, and when the entire congregation meets at once, there really won't be enough. That might be a problem if KidThree wants to go with me some time, as much of the rest of the parking lot is gravel. Overall I think I did enjoy going. Certainly I was surprised when I got in the car and found that an hour and a half had passed.
Also yesterday KidThree's uncle came to get the extra bed. He was glad to have it. He and his buddy (everyone has 'the buddy with a truck') took quite a while to get here, as for some reason the uncle thought we lived two towns down the freeway. They overshot us by that amount and then had to backtrack. The uncle was disappointed that there were no cookies. I told him real butter and chocolate were expensive and to bring money if he wanted goodies. I hope he doesn't take me up on that; he not a man I want hanging around our home.
Today I get to start messing around in that room. Yippee! I am absolutely itching to get started. The vacuum is not working, so I'll just sweep the rug--that works pretty well. Then to get started on moving things around. KidOne is at work but has promised to help me move The Bed once she gets home. The Bed is not set on a regular frame with wheels, so that one person can scoot it around. It is on a heavy motorized frame and sits on flat feet, not wheels. Definitely a two-person job to get it moved. Then I can move the other furniture around and organize and decorate to my heart's content.
Financially, things are still bad. The delivery of the big city paper stopped and the house phone is cut off. The rent check should go through in the next couple of days; it will make the account overdrawn but should be within the limit the bank will cover without actually bouncing it. Drat this blasted poverty. I'm still playing phone tag with a prospective client who had posted an ad on craigslist, and I'm going to call in response to an ad placed in the local paper (paid up for a year in advance, thank goodness) by someone looking for a temporary sitter. Today I am going to contact a local charity to see if they will help with the phone and electric bills. Barack Obama can't get elected too soon for me. I know that won't put money in my poor, depleted checking account, but I'll feel better anyway.
The weather has warmed up. Right now it is early and so still relatively cool, but there isn't much of a breeze so the apartment isn't cooling off as much as I'd like. At least it isn't going to be over a hundred or anything that miserable.
And now off to do the dishes.
A
Also yesterday KidThree's uncle came to get the extra bed. He was glad to have it. He and his buddy (everyone has 'the buddy with a truck') took quite a while to get here, as for some reason the uncle thought we lived two towns down the freeway. They overshot us by that amount and then had to backtrack. The uncle was disappointed that there were no cookies. I told him real butter and chocolate were expensive and to bring money if he wanted goodies. I hope he doesn't take me up on that; he not a man I want hanging around our home.
Today I get to start messing around in that room. Yippee! I am absolutely itching to get started. The vacuum is not working, so I'll just sweep the rug--that works pretty well. Then to get started on moving things around. KidOne is at work but has promised to help me move The Bed once she gets home. The Bed is not set on a regular frame with wheels, so that one person can scoot it around. It is on a heavy motorized frame and sits on flat feet, not wheels. Definitely a two-person job to get it moved. Then I can move the other furniture around and organize and decorate to my heart's content.
Financially, things are still bad. The delivery of the big city paper stopped and the house phone is cut off. The rent check should go through in the next couple of days; it will make the account overdrawn but should be within the limit the bank will cover without actually bouncing it. Drat this blasted poverty. I'm still playing phone tag with a prospective client who had posted an ad on craigslist, and I'm going to call in response to an ad placed in the local paper (paid up for a year in advance, thank goodness) by someone looking for a temporary sitter. Today I am going to contact a local charity to see if they will help with the phone and electric bills. Barack Obama can't get elected too soon for me. I know that won't put money in my poor, depleted checking account, but I'll feel better anyway.
The weather has warmed up. Right now it is early and so still relatively cool, but there isn't much of a breeze so the apartment isn't cooling off as much as I'd like. At least it isn't going to be over a hundred or anything that miserable.
And now off to do the dishes.
A
Sunday, June 8, 2008
And a Happy Sunday to All.
It is going to be warmer today, probably uncomfortably so, but at least it is comfortable right now. This morning I'm finally going to make it to church. I think. I couldn't wake up enough in time for the earlier service, which at first made me think it was a no-go for yet another week, then I realized they had a second service two hours later. That one I should be able to make. Fortunately their website says dress is casually and has many pictures of people in jeans, as jeans are all I have, and I only have one pair of those (and that pair has a threadbare seat--I can literally see through it). Maybe I will get a second pair of jeans today. The phone is already cut off and tomorrow I'm applying to a local charity for help with that bill and the auto insurance. Things are so bad all over that I've just given up worrying about it.
KidFour took her SAT's yesterday and said they were no problem, then proceeded to complain about this, that, and the other thing. She thought the tests were unfair in what they asked about and thought that deficiencies in American kids' performances were because this country doesn't value education. What a true product of American schools she is--it is all the system's fault and she doesn't have to take any responsibility for her education not being spoon-fed to her. What rubbish.
KidThree's uncle did not come yesterday for the bed. He will try again today. If he doesn't make it, I have a young man waiting for it (he answered the craigslist ad). The uncle doesn't get more than one extra day to come get it, as I WANT IT GONE. There is a room around it waiting for me to get it set up properly.
Right now I'm playing phone tag with a prospective client. This family wants a fair amount of household help (laundry, food prep) in addition to childcare, so it may be something I'm not willing to do. Their ad has been up before, at least once and maybe twice, so there is something not right about what they are asking, given the number of college students in town who are looking for this sort of work. It could be that the parents are awful, or that the children are awful, or that actual domesticity is not part of the repertoire for college students; or it could be none of the above but something entirely different altogether. The ad now specifically requests someone 'mature,' meaning, I take it, NOT a college student, and indicates a willingness to be flexible with hours, something that was not there before. That is why I chose to respond this time but didn't respond when I saw the ad before. The pay would be more than what we need here to get out of the hole and get things here fixed up, and goodness wouldn't that feel good. I left the last message, so hope to hear from the client today.
Finally--Hillary suspended her campaign. About time. I've been seriously annoyed by her and her campaign's constant harping that her losses had to do with sexism. There was a lot of sexism aimed at her, but so far as I could see, it all came from the Republicans, who were not the reason she lost. The Democrats didn't focus on her gender but on Obama's more positive message, Hillary's deliberate disingenuousness, and Bill's more bizarre statements. Obama beat her, fair and square, and that is all there is to it. It was close, her gender didn't hurt her, and it was a wonderful thing that it was so--good for all the women and girls in the country to see that a woman could be taken seriously, could be strong, could be attacked on the issues instead of gender. She wasn't owed that nomination by any means, no matter what she or her supporters say. She was a good candidate who came so very close but then was beaten by a better candidate. There is still plenty for her to do in politics back in New York.
Yesterday while lying in bed I came up with a sentence for the Bulwer-Lytton contest. After this, I'll look for a website to find out if that contest is still going on and if so how to send in my entry. Maybe that can be a new hobby. Although I don't think anyone, including me, can beat, "flick that Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll eat steel for your last meal."
And now to try to find a home for my sentence.
A
KidFour took her SAT's yesterday and said they were no problem, then proceeded to complain about this, that, and the other thing. She thought the tests were unfair in what they asked about and thought that deficiencies in American kids' performances were because this country doesn't value education. What a true product of American schools she is--it is all the system's fault and she doesn't have to take any responsibility for her education not being spoon-fed to her. What rubbish.
KidThree's uncle did not come yesterday for the bed. He will try again today. If he doesn't make it, I have a young man waiting for it (he answered the craigslist ad). The uncle doesn't get more than one extra day to come get it, as I WANT IT GONE. There is a room around it waiting for me to get it set up properly.
Right now I'm playing phone tag with a prospective client. This family wants a fair amount of household help (laundry, food prep) in addition to childcare, so it may be something I'm not willing to do. Their ad has been up before, at least once and maybe twice, so there is something not right about what they are asking, given the number of college students in town who are looking for this sort of work. It could be that the parents are awful, or that the children are awful, or that actual domesticity is not part of the repertoire for college students; or it could be none of the above but something entirely different altogether. The ad now specifically requests someone 'mature,' meaning, I take it, NOT a college student, and indicates a willingness to be flexible with hours, something that was not there before. That is why I chose to respond this time but didn't respond when I saw the ad before. The pay would be more than what we need here to get out of the hole and get things here fixed up, and goodness wouldn't that feel good. I left the last message, so hope to hear from the client today.
Finally--Hillary suspended her campaign. About time. I've been seriously annoyed by her and her campaign's constant harping that her losses had to do with sexism. There was a lot of sexism aimed at her, but so far as I could see, it all came from the Republicans, who were not the reason she lost. The Democrats didn't focus on her gender but on Obama's more positive message, Hillary's deliberate disingenuousness, and Bill's more bizarre statements. Obama beat her, fair and square, and that is all there is to it. It was close, her gender didn't hurt her, and it was a wonderful thing that it was so--good for all the women and girls in the country to see that a woman could be taken seriously, could be strong, could be attacked on the issues instead of gender. She wasn't owed that nomination by any means, no matter what she or her supporters say. She was a good candidate who came so very close but then was beaten by a better candidate. There is still plenty for her to do in politics back in New York.
Yesterday while lying in bed I came up with a sentence for the Bulwer-Lytton contest. After this, I'll look for a website to find out if that contest is still going on and if so how to send in my entry. Maybe that can be a new hobby. Although I don't think anyone, including me, can beat, "flick that Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll eat steel for your last meal."
And now to try to find a home for my sentence.
A
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Blessed Breezes Swirling Around My Feet.
According to the news, we have Alaska to thank for the unseasonably cool and breezy weather we've been having this early June. So,
Thank You, Alaska!
I, for one, truly appreciate it. I'm sitting here in my chair, hot coffee at my fingertips and cool breezes swirling around my toes. This is a wonderful place to be.
KidFour returned last night for her last bit. She had signed up for SAT's here, so I gave permission for her to come up for those and for one last teacher visit. She'll be up in a little bit to get ready. Waffles for breakfast fuel, a stop on the way for an energy drink, then on to the city to the pertinent high school for the test.
I put her bed on Craigslist only to find most people wanted only a piece or two of it, instead of the entire mattress, box spring, frame arrangement. Then KidThree remembered that one of her uncles had just set up his own place after a domestic split and might be interested in the bed. She gave him a call, the result of which is that he is coming up this morning to pick it up.
This is a big thing because once that bed is out of KidThree's bedroom, I can move furniture around, something I am just itching to do. KidOne will be around later today specifically to help with getting KidThree's big bed moved. Then cleaning! And organizing! And accessibility!
Sorry, all that is what passes for excitement in my life these days.
KidTwo called yesterday to say hello. It is always so good to hear her voice. Living with her father is difficult in many ways, as his domestic situation is not entirely copacetic. It is a good growth experience for KidTwo to learn to deal with problematic people, but oh it is a sad thing that all there is not what it could be.
Just heard KidFour's alarm go off, which means I am off to the kitchen to wash dishes and cook waffles. Got to get her engine stoked but good, as she is NOT a morning person. I wonder what idiot thought testing teenagers at the crack of dawn was a good way to learn what all is in their heads? There is nothing in their heads that early except thoughts of their pillows.
Duty calls. At least I have my breezes.
A
Thank You, Alaska!
I, for one, truly appreciate it. I'm sitting here in my chair, hot coffee at my fingertips and cool breezes swirling around my toes. This is a wonderful place to be.
KidFour returned last night for her last bit. She had signed up for SAT's here, so I gave permission for her to come up for those and for one last teacher visit. She'll be up in a little bit to get ready. Waffles for breakfast fuel, a stop on the way for an energy drink, then on to the city to the pertinent high school for the test.
I put her bed on Craigslist only to find most people wanted only a piece or two of it, instead of the entire mattress, box spring, frame arrangement. Then KidThree remembered that one of her uncles had just set up his own place after a domestic split and might be interested in the bed. She gave him a call, the result of which is that he is coming up this morning to pick it up.
This is a big thing because once that bed is out of KidThree's bedroom, I can move furniture around, something I am just itching to do. KidOne will be around later today specifically to help with getting KidThree's big bed moved. Then cleaning! And organizing! And accessibility!
Sorry, all that is what passes for excitement in my life these days.
KidTwo called yesterday to say hello. It is always so good to hear her voice. Living with her father is difficult in many ways, as his domestic situation is not entirely copacetic. It is a good growth experience for KidTwo to learn to deal with problematic people, but oh it is a sad thing that all there is not what it could be.
Just heard KidFour's alarm go off, which means I am off to the kitchen to wash dishes and cook waffles. Got to get her engine stoked but good, as she is NOT a morning person. I wonder what idiot thought testing teenagers at the crack of dawn was a good way to learn what all is in their heads? There is nothing in their heads that early except thoughts of their pillows.
Duty calls. At least I have my breezes.
A
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Thank Goodness for Support Groups.
This afternoon KidThree and I went to an SCI Support Group at the hospital. This was our third time there. We met a young woman who was injured in a car accident four years ago; she lives in SoCal now but lived up here when she was injured and then treated, so she stopped by to greet people she knew at the hospital. What a serendipitous meeting for us--we almost didn't attend, as KidThree was not ready on time and we ended up getting there almost half an hour late. She gave us some wonderful information, including a resource down in my hometown. After the meeting, KidThree and I exchanged contact info with this young woman, who is now on her way to three months in Alaska. Alaska, in a wheelchair! It is wonderful what can be done these days from a chair. We are waiting for an appointment with one particular specialist--we'll be seen in August or September--and now we have several options to ask about, so we can see if they would be suitable for KidThree.
News on the tv now: Hillary Clinton will finally drop out of the race at the end of the week. Thank goodness. When this race started, I had a fair amount of respect for her and could consider voting for her, but as the race went on and her behavior showed a real pettiness, and Bill repeated looked as though he had just lost the political magic he used to have, I got dismayed and then disgusted by her continued campaign. The "it's mine, it's mine, it's mine," mentality she showed paralleled the difficulties I was dealing with here at home with KidFour, with her resolute narcissism and sense of entitlement.
This morning I also got some of my phone calls made. There are still a few more to go, but I'm well on my way through the list. Mom called and we had a good talk, catching up on things down there and up here. She has been a wonderful rock of support during the travails of the past months. Thank goodness for supportive family.
No one has responded yet to the ad for the bed. Perhaps it is too old for anyone to want it. Drat. If no one comes to take it away, I will have to call the local waste removal; them I will have to pay. Oh well, it will be good to get it gone, whenever and however it goes.
Tomorrow I get to babysit the AmazingA, my favorite child of all to watch. I could happily watch her full time. She loves books, loves playgrounds, can keep herself busy, knows no fear, and has strong opinions. Definitely my kind of person, and she isn't two years old yet. Her parents are going to have their hands full in the coming years. Her older sister, the MarvelousM, isn't such a strong personality but is also a lot of fun: she loves to play board games and card games, which I also enjoy. On these Thursdays, I don't watch the MarvelousM after I drop her off at school, as I turn the AmazingA over to their mother when she leaves work and goes to pick up the MarvelousM at school.
No other babysitting jobs this week. Just time to work on things at home, which always needs doing. The weather has been so nice, cool and breezy, making it a pleasure to spend time in the apartment, focusing on the administrative aspects of running my funny household.
A
News on the tv now: Hillary Clinton will finally drop out of the race at the end of the week. Thank goodness. When this race started, I had a fair amount of respect for her and could consider voting for her, but as the race went on and her behavior showed a real pettiness, and Bill repeated looked as though he had just lost the political magic he used to have, I got dismayed and then disgusted by her continued campaign. The "it's mine, it's mine, it's mine," mentality she showed paralleled the difficulties I was dealing with here at home with KidFour, with her resolute narcissism and sense of entitlement.
This morning I also got some of my phone calls made. There are still a few more to go, but I'm well on my way through the list. Mom called and we had a good talk, catching up on things down there and up here. She has been a wonderful rock of support during the travails of the past months. Thank goodness for supportive family.
No one has responded yet to the ad for the bed. Perhaps it is too old for anyone to want it. Drat. If no one comes to take it away, I will have to call the local waste removal; them I will have to pay. Oh well, it will be good to get it gone, whenever and however it goes.
Tomorrow I get to babysit the AmazingA, my favorite child of all to watch. I could happily watch her full time. She loves books, loves playgrounds, can keep herself busy, knows no fear, and has strong opinions. Definitely my kind of person, and she isn't two years old yet. Her parents are going to have their hands full in the coming years. Her older sister, the MarvelousM, isn't such a strong personality but is also a lot of fun: she loves to play board games and card games, which I also enjoy. On these Thursdays, I don't watch the MarvelousM after I drop her off at school, as I turn the AmazingA over to their mother when she leaves work and goes to pick up the MarvelousM at school.
No other babysitting jobs this week. Just time to work on things at home, which always needs doing. The weather has been so nice, cool and breezy, making it a pleasure to spend time in the apartment, focusing on the administrative aspects of running my funny household.
A
My oh My,
I just read over the past posts. All I do is complain. And I had the nerve to gripe about KidFour being self-centered! Now we know where she gets it--from the side of her family that is connected to me. I'll try to at least cut down on the complaining.
Today is Wednesday. KidOne got her 'economic stimulus' check yesterday and so was able to pay me back the money I gave her for her car payment. Good. That means today I can go pay my auto insurance and do a little shopping. And laundry, after I get some quarters.
Yesterday afternoon I took KidFour back to her father's home. Uh oh. Turns out he was not expecting her back. Not sure what message he missed--I had sent him word and KidFour apparently thought she had communicated it to him--but missed the messages he did. I don't know where KidFour got the idea that the family down there (father, live-in, and her) were going to work to make things better. When we got there, Father told her flat out that she didn't get to stay, that things were just starting to get better there and he didn't want her to mess that up; Live-in was there and flat out hostile, not talking directly to KidFour but talking to me with curled lip when KidFour and Father were emptying the car. Oh lordie lordie lordie. I did feel for KidFour. She sat there like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide, completely stunned. I expect her father was not the only one who missed messages. KidFour is apparently going to have to go live with her mother, a prospect that for her is as inviting as going to live in a convent. How all that is going to work out, I just don't know. She does get to come here for her SAT's on Saturday, then away again. Prediction here: KidFour gets her poor stupid besotted and myopic boyfriend to 'rescue' her; they will run away together and try to make it on their own. And, KidFour will be pregnant before the summer is out. Her birth control pills aren't going to help her when she is down there and they are up here on the table next to her former bed.
What a ghastly mess. I just keep telling myself it is not something I can fix or help with. KidThree asked me yesterday if KidFour could come back if she promised to get a job. Told her no, that KidFour had made that promise and others before and kept none of them, so how could I expect her to do things any differently? I also told her that the only circumstances under which KidFour could return were if she brought me $5,000 in cash (what I've expended on her, combined with what I've lost in income because of her) with no strings attached, and I could still boot her out with a week's notice if she didn't conform to expectations. That won't happen, so she isn't going to return.
KidThree is, as you can see, utterly torn. She is so appreciative of the chance she's been given and she wants KidFour to have the same chance; she likes KidFour "when she's being my sister"; yet she resents the hell out of KidFour's intrusion into her space and KidFour's blatant disrespect to me. Truly a growth experience for KidThree to have to go through all this with KidFour and me.
Off to the shower now for me. Then to the drugstore for some supplies, and the grocery store for groceries, and then a morning spent in the laundry room. AND, before my shower, I'll put KidFour's bed on craigslist. Free to the first person who can come to pick it up.
A
Today is Wednesday. KidOne got her 'economic stimulus' check yesterday and so was able to pay me back the money I gave her for her car payment. Good. That means today I can go pay my auto insurance and do a little shopping. And laundry, after I get some quarters.
Yesterday afternoon I took KidFour back to her father's home. Uh oh. Turns out he was not expecting her back. Not sure what message he missed--I had sent him word and KidFour apparently thought she had communicated it to him--but missed the messages he did. I don't know where KidFour got the idea that the family down there (father, live-in, and her) were going to work to make things better. When we got there, Father told her flat out that she didn't get to stay, that things were just starting to get better there and he didn't want her to mess that up; Live-in was there and flat out hostile, not talking directly to KidFour but talking to me with curled lip when KidFour and Father were emptying the car. Oh lordie lordie lordie. I did feel for KidFour. She sat there like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide, completely stunned. I expect her father was not the only one who missed messages. KidFour is apparently going to have to go live with her mother, a prospect that for her is as inviting as going to live in a convent. How all that is going to work out, I just don't know. She does get to come here for her SAT's on Saturday, then away again. Prediction here: KidFour gets her poor stupid besotted and myopic boyfriend to 'rescue' her; they will run away together and try to make it on their own. And, KidFour will be pregnant before the summer is out. Her birth control pills aren't going to help her when she is down there and they are up here on the table next to her former bed.
What a ghastly mess. I just keep telling myself it is not something I can fix or help with. KidThree asked me yesterday if KidFour could come back if she promised to get a job. Told her no, that KidFour had made that promise and others before and kept none of them, so how could I expect her to do things any differently? I also told her that the only circumstances under which KidFour could return were if she brought me $5,000 in cash (what I've expended on her, combined with what I've lost in income because of her) with no strings attached, and I could still boot her out with a week's notice if she didn't conform to expectations. That won't happen, so she isn't going to return.
KidThree is, as you can see, utterly torn. She is so appreciative of the chance she's been given and she wants KidFour to have the same chance; she likes KidFour "when she's being my sister"; yet she resents the hell out of KidFour's intrusion into her space and KidFour's blatant disrespect to me. Truly a growth experience for KidThree to have to go through all this with KidFour and me.
Off to the shower now for me. Then to the drugstore for some supplies, and the grocery store for groceries, and then a morning spent in the laundry room. AND, before my shower, I'll put KidFour's bed on craigslist. Free to the first person who can come to pick it up.
A
Sunday, June 1, 2008
What a Lovely, Lazy Day.
Last night I didn't set the alarm, so this morning when I finally opened my eyes, it was ten in the morning. Lovely! Sleep is such a lovely thing. A wonderful restorative.
The tv table set-up is all fixed. I got everything off it, put the legs on it, and moved the cabinets under it. Then I put the tv and its accessories on it, and move the laptop computer over to it, and got all the cords figured out so they were no longer hazards to our health and welfare. My did that feel good. And I've gotten a good start on the paperwork (although of course there is still a lot more to get done today).
A good friend came over this morning for a couple of hours. We haven't seen each other too much in the past couple of months because both of us have been so busy, but she is one of those friends where any amount of time can go by and the minute we sit down to visit and catch up, we are right where we left off. That is a good sort of friend to have.
When I left the workforce, I had two good friends I thought would remain friends, but who have fallen by the wayside. That is a difficult thing. I am not socially adept, and I can never tell when I am pushing myself on people who would rather I just went away. One of the friends, we will call her FriendOne, was a woman who I got quite close to--we visited each other's homes, she knew and had friendships with my children, and she was one I called on when my family had a major catastrophe hit. But after I left the job, there was total silence on the front. What happened? I sent a couple of emails that were never answered. This was a friend who sometimes got her knickers in a twist: she would, for some reason, decide she had been slighted and then walk around visibly aggrieved. Did I do something? Did something happen in her life? I had gotten to a point where I tried as best I could to ignore the petulance and behave as if it weren't happening, but this time, I made the conscious decision that I wasn't going to pursue that friendship any further. I didn't want to deal with someone where I have to walk on eggshells periodically; it is too draining and I don't have the time or energy to deal with it. But it is sad, and it does hurt.
FriendTwo was a different friendship. We worked together for a few years, our kids were the same ages, and we got along very well. We visited outside work a little bit, went out to lunch, went shopping together, and during that same family catastrophe, she also came right to my side and to my family's aid. When she was having troubles with her husband and children, I was right there to be a support and a sounding board. When I left the workforce, FriendTwo and I emailed back and forth for a bit. I invited her out here and she appeared to be interested, but things came up and things came up, and there was never a return invitation the other way. Then the emails stopped. Again, I didn't know what to do. Was the friendship false? Had I done something? Was it her life? I just don't know.
Before I left the workforce, I would have said I had three good friends and meant those three women. Now it appears that I have one friend only, the one here in town who came to visit today. This is one of the many reasons I decided to return to a church of one sort or another. I also signed up for the local Democratic Club, but I haven't yet been able to go to a meeting. I hope those are ways to develop at least some acquaintances, if not friends.
I don't understand people on so many levels. About twelve or thirteen years ago, I carpooled for a few months with a young woman who was just starting out in her career. She and I were not close friends, just friendly co-workers with similar work schedules so that carpooling was a good fit for us. We stopped carpooling when I transferred offices, then I changed employers and the young woman moved up in the bureaucratic system, going to work for the state instead of our local county. She and I ended up taking the same bus home about five or six years after we had carpooled together. I got on the bus at the beginning of the route; she got on closer to the end. She would get on the bus and walk right past my seat with no indication whatsoever that she had any clue who I was, much less that we had spent a few months driving to and from work together. Why was that? I had no trouble recognizing her. Did she truly not recognize me? At what point does someone decide, "I no longer have to acknowledge any awareness of this person?" I do not understand! Why not exchange a simple hello? Do I have a better memory for faces than other people do?
Another rider on that same bus was a man whose son was very good friends with my KidTwo when they were small. We were in VERY difference economic circumstances, but the kids were good enough friends that they visited each other's homes and kept in touch when they no longer attended the same schools. This boy ended up having some very serious difficulties with drug abuse and some other issues, to the point where his parents sent him out of state to a facility designed to help him straighten out. During that time, KidTwo was one of those who kept in touch with him as best they were able (contact with him was limited). The boy's father and I had a couple of conversations about our children and their difficulties on their respective paths to adulthood, but then the man did the same as my former carpool partner, started behaving as though he had never seen me before. In that case, we rode the same bus in the morning, with me getting on three stops before he did. Every morning, he would get on the bus and walk past my seat as though he had never been in my home, I had never been in his, we had never shared concerns about our troubled children. His eyes never lowered so he would not have to make any sign of greeting. Again, I did not understand, I do not understand. What caused that? There was no years-long gap in acquaintanceship, he clearly knew who I was and how our families had been connected. Was he embarrassed about his son's troubles? Had I said or done something?
This is an issue my mother and I have talked about a couple of times. She has also had some friendships devolve, and formerly close friends change behavior with no apparent reason. It is a puzzlement. People are strange. Somehow, there is a rulebook I never got or a meeting I never got notice of or a class I never attended. Somehow other people know a set of rules that I never learned. I do not understand, but Oh My do I wish I did.
Maybe that's why I fixate so much on making my little bitty home here a comfortable refuge. The world out there is so confusing to me, filled at it is with people.
Now I will go back to work on my refuge, where things are mostly safe and predictable.
A
The tv table set-up is all fixed. I got everything off it, put the legs on it, and moved the cabinets under it. Then I put the tv and its accessories on it, and move the laptop computer over to it, and got all the cords figured out so they were no longer hazards to our health and welfare. My did that feel good. And I've gotten a good start on the paperwork (although of course there is still a lot more to get done today).
A good friend came over this morning for a couple of hours. We haven't seen each other too much in the past couple of months because both of us have been so busy, but she is one of those friends where any amount of time can go by and the minute we sit down to visit and catch up, we are right where we left off. That is a good sort of friend to have.
When I left the workforce, I had two good friends I thought would remain friends, but who have fallen by the wayside. That is a difficult thing. I am not socially adept, and I can never tell when I am pushing myself on people who would rather I just went away. One of the friends, we will call her FriendOne, was a woman who I got quite close to--we visited each other's homes, she knew and had friendships with my children, and she was one I called on when my family had a major catastrophe hit. But after I left the job, there was total silence on the front. What happened? I sent a couple of emails that were never answered. This was a friend who sometimes got her knickers in a twist: she would, for some reason, decide she had been slighted and then walk around visibly aggrieved. Did I do something? Did something happen in her life? I had gotten to a point where I tried as best I could to ignore the petulance and behave as if it weren't happening, but this time, I made the conscious decision that I wasn't going to pursue that friendship any further. I didn't want to deal with someone where I have to walk on eggshells periodically; it is too draining and I don't have the time or energy to deal with it. But it is sad, and it does hurt.
FriendTwo was a different friendship. We worked together for a few years, our kids were the same ages, and we got along very well. We visited outside work a little bit, went out to lunch, went shopping together, and during that same family catastrophe, she also came right to my side and to my family's aid. When she was having troubles with her husband and children, I was right there to be a support and a sounding board. When I left the workforce, FriendTwo and I emailed back and forth for a bit. I invited her out here and she appeared to be interested, but things came up and things came up, and there was never a return invitation the other way. Then the emails stopped. Again, I didn't know what to do. Was the friendship false? Had I done something? Was it her life? I just don't know.
Before I left the workforce, I would have said I had three good friends and meant those three women. Now it appears that I have one friend only, the one here in town who came to visit today. This is one of the many reasons I decided to return to a church of one sort or another. I also signed up for the local Democratic Club, but I haven't yet been able to go to a meeting. I hope those are ways to develop at least some acquaintances, if not friends.
I don't understand people on so many levels. About twelve or thirteen years ago, I carpooled for a few months with a young woman who was just starting out in her career. She and I were not close friends, just friendly co-workers with similar work schedules so that carpooling was a good fit for us. We stopped carpooling when I transferred offices, then I changed employers and the young woman moved up in the bureaucratic system, going to work for the state instead of our local county. She and I ended up taking the same bus home about five or six years after we had carpooled together. I got on the bus at the beginning of the route; she got on closer to the end. She would get on the bus and walk right past my seat with no indication whatsoever that she had any clue who I was, much less that we had spent a few months driving to and from work together. Why was that? I had no trouble recognizing her. Did she truly not recognize me? At what point does someone decide, "I no longer have to acknowledge any awareness of this person?" I do not understand! Why not exchange a simple hello? Do I have a better memory for faces than other people do?
Another rider on that same bus was a man whose son was very good friends with my KidTwo when they were small. We were in VERY difference economic circumstances, but the kids were good enough friends that they visited each other's homes and kept in touch when they no longer attended the same schools. This boy ended up having some very serious difficulties with drug abuse and some other issues, to the point where his parents sent him out of state to a facility designed to help him straighten out. During that time, KidTwo was one of those who kept in touch with him as best they were able (contact with him was limited). The boy's father and I had a couple of conversations about our children and their difficulties on their respective paths to adulthood, but then the man did the same as my former carpool partner, started behaving as though he had never seen me before. In that case, we rode the same bus in the morning, with me getting on three stops before he did. Every morning, he would get on the bus and walk past my seat as though he had never been in my home, I had never been in his, we had never shared concerns about our troubled children. His eyes never lowered so he would not have to make any sign of greeting. Again, I did not understand, I do not understand. What caused that? There was no years-long gap in acquaintanceship, he clearly knew who I was and how our families had been connected. Was he embarrassed about his son's troubles? Had I said or done something?
This is an issue my mother and I have talked about a couple of times. She has also had some friendships devolve, and formerly close friends change behavior with no apparent reason. It is a puzzlement. People are strange. Somehow, there is a rulebook I never got or a meeting I never got notice of or a class I never attended. Somehow other people know a set of rules that I never learned. I do not understand, but Oh My do I wish I did.
Maybe that's why I fixate so much on making my little bitty home here a comfortable refuge. The world out there is so confusing to me, filled at it is with people.
Now I will go back to work on my refuge, where things are mostly safe and predictable.
A
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