Still No Money, sigh. . . .

A paycheck is overdue several days (one from the state, not babysitting), so my car payment today is going to bounce, my car insurance expired yesterday, and there are still no quarters for laundry. Yesterday KidOne was able to give me ten dollars. I put four dollars in the gas tank (got 0.97 gallons), then went to the grocery store. We needed bread, milk, and eggs the most. I wanted to get bread, but the loaf was over $4.50 and that would not leave enough for even a quart of milk or any eggs. So, I bought the kids a half gallon of milk and a dozen eggs. (KidThree and KidFour drink 2% milk; KidOne and I drink skim.) Later, after picking up the mail in which my mother had sent $40 cash and then picking up KidFour from her appt, I bought some food and stopped at a gas station, where I told KidFour she could pick one treat. Imagine my utter rage when she brought TWO treats up to the counter, telling me she had a couple of dollars in her wallet and could buy the second treat herself. There I was in the morning, counting pennies and choosing to get her milk before mine (she is the big milk drinker of KidThree and KidFour), and she was hiding money. Ahh, the sweet self-centeredness of youth. Yessirree bob, I will have no problem at all sticking to my decision that she has to go.

Given the price of the bread, I will start baking my own again. It's been a few years, but I still remember how. When KidOne and KidTwo were small, I made most of our bread. KidTwo used to bargain away bread and butter and homemade cookies for other kids' fruit. She asked me once if it was okay. I explained that the cookies cost much less each than pieces of fruit, and that any time she could give away a nickel or dime and get a quarter or fifty cents in return, it was okay with me. And I made sure to stock her lunches with extra baked goods so she could get extra fruit. KidOne just gave away her baked goods, so I gave her extra just to make sure she got some herself. One of her friends had one of those mothers who wouldn't ever dream of giving her child any form of sugar; that little girl was supplied with goodies by me for years. KidOne would come home and say things like, "FriendC wondered if you felt like making gingersnaps any time soon," and I would obligingly make the next batch gingersnaps. Once I came home to find a note from KidOne on the counter; it read, "Mom, I didn't eat the last brownie; FriendC hopes you weren't saving it for anything."

Moms, please, don't be so extreme with your kids! They will only find a way around it, unless you're raising them on a fenced compound with like-minded people. Kids will find a way. Better to have some flexibility, allow some goodies that you have chosen yourself, and teach lessons about what is really harmful and why as opposed to what you should just limit the amount of. Of course I would never go against someone's religious beliefs or play games with food allergies, but if your healthy kid is going to be eating my kid's cookies every day, I am sending your kid her own cookies.

This morning I got up at four and then snoozed on the living room bed until a bit after five, when I got up for good. KidFour came out of her room, saying she couldn't sleep, and made herself comfortable on the bed out here. Drat Blast! I have been so spoiled, having my lovely peaceful morning hours to myself--having a kid awake was seriously intrusive.

Today I have an optometry appt. I haven't had eye care in years; my glasses are so old that I only use them to drive. I hope Medi-Cal will pay for whatever glasses I need now (almost certainly bifocals), as I sure don't have the money.

Other things to do today: get KidThree a doctor's appt for today, if possible; I think she has an infection. Call to get my prescription refilled. Take prescription for KidThree to pharmacy. Call the school re: KidFour and attendance. Get some cash from KidOne so I can get quarters and do some laundry.

Tomorrow I work from 9 to 4 and Sunday I babysit for several hours while BabyJ's parents take in a matinee. That will be nice. A little gas money, anyway.

KidFour is being picked up by her father Sunday morning, to stay there through Monday evening. She plans to talk to him then about my eviction notice. This morning I sent an email to her mother and him both, to alert them and get them working on finding another place for KidFour to be until she turns 18 in nine more months.

KidFour's situation is so blasted frustrating. She is old enough that the most intense self-centeredness should be abating, but hers isn't. Her mother suffers from the self-centeredness of a young teen and it looks like KidFour may be going that route, too. What a waste. If she doesn't get past her idea that the world owes her a living and that living should be up to the standards she thinks she deserves, she is never going to have a successful life. There just aren't people who will put up with that attitude and support her just for the fun of having her around. Even if she found a way to make it through college, her personal relationships will all be doomed from the outset. She has a serious boyfriend now, but that kid has goals and dreams and is working towards them; eventually KidFour's narcissism is going to come between them. Even if he were now to do the stupidly romantic thing and put his educational goals on hold to try to take care of KidFour, he would tire of that someday and she would be 'betrayed' once again. (Word choice there hers, from her myspace--she has been "betrayed by someone who was supposed to be there for her always.") What a crock. What a waste.

KidTwo just called. She is taking an eight-hour bus ride to Costa Rica from Nicaragua, this with a friend she's met there. The friend's father is an American working at the embassy and the friend has taken this trip many, many times, and KidTwo's daddy (who is muy protective) approves, so I guess it is okay. Barely. Told KidTwo that if bad people killed her along the way, she was to come back to haunt her friend's father. She promised. She will email me when she arrives at their destination. Hmmm. I admit, says the Mom who is usually so complacent about her globe-trotting offspring's travels, that this adventure makes me a little nervous. She better not get hurt. Or even frightened.

And now off to face my day. I'd rather hide from it. Where oh where is a Sugar Daddy when I need one? There must be some idiot out there who wouldn't mind a cranky wife with a cranky disabled teen; after all, I'm one heck of a cook and baker. Sigh. Now that the kids are grown enough that I have some time to myself, the sniffing around of the opposite sex has stopped. Drat. The last one interested was a disgusting drug-abusing alcoholic who didn't bathe nearly enough; I eventually had to complain up the chain of command to get him to leave me alone. Lonely I am, desperate I'm not.

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