Who Needs Congress To Declare War?

Got teenagers? They'll do it for you, and with considerably less hemming and hawing and gnashing of teeth.

Last night KidThree and KidFour had a long 'talk' (IM'ing). I got to read it. KidThree was trying to get things clear with KidFour, to get KidFour to see what she was doing to herself and her relations within the home. All KidFour could do was bemoan the fact that KidOne and I are not talking to her. Huh? I told her in person that I was ready any time she wanted to talk about all of this, and I've told her through email that we could 'talk' that way if it was more comfortable for her. I have done a lot for KidFour, but I can't hold a conversation with me doing the talking for both sides.

KidFour acknowledged that she was taking pictures of personal things yesterday; she justified it by saying that she took pictures of everything, that the pictures were just things she found interesting. What utter garbage. She was specifically told when joining the household that she was expected to maintain our privacy, especially as it pertained to personal care and adaptive equipment for KidThree. Honest to goodness, I do not know what to do. I really don't. This last violation of privacy is so extreme: it rates eviction. But can I, as the loving, responsible adult, kick KidFour out when she has only two or three more weeks of school, knowing it might cause her to lose credits? Is it worth that? But what about KidThree and her right to privacy, and me and my right to privacy, and the fact that the eviction would be caused by KidFour's deliberate actions, not just arbitrarily imposed by me?

I hate this. Absolutely hate it. I'm caught between two kids whom I love dearly, one of whom is flat out refusing to live according to house rules or to respect the rights of others in the house. I do not know what to do. There is no good solution. Whatever I do, a kid gets hurt.

In case it isn't clear, I am leaning towards not allowing KidFour to come back from her weekend with her father. It's about 70/30 at this point. When I come home from the senior center, I will talk to her the old-fashioned way--in person, with real words exchanged by real people in the same vicinity, using voices and ears. If that doesn't go well, KidFour won't get to come back. She can negotiate with her teachers on how she can complete the schoolwork through the mail and email. At that point, it would be on her head.

A